


In Which Karkat Vantas and Jane Crocker Marathon the First Season of Sherlock

by bramblePatch



Category: Homestuck, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Karkat Ships Everything, Sherlock Series 1, tv
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-29
Updated: 2012-04-29
Packaged: 2017-11-04 12:43:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/393961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bramblePatch/pseuds/bramblePatch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even the human fandom has recognized that it's a love story. Karkat's just disgusted that we've got them in the wrong quadrant.</p><p>Rated Teen for Karkat's vocabulary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Karkat Vantas and Jane Crocker Marathon the First Season of Sherlock

Karkat Vantas proves to be one of the worst TV-watching-buddies Jane has ever had, and not so long ago she made the mistake of agreeing to watch My Little Pony with Dirk. 

For one thing, he's shaping up to be the worst kind of shipper. She'd kind of hoped that being an alien and a boy and all he wouldn't get hung up on grasping for homoerotic subtext the way that ninety percent of the fandom does, but by halfway through "A Study in Pink" he's _sighing_ whenever Sherlock and John are on screen together. She tries to ignore it, but when he completely talks over the final scene with Mycroft - which is a scene that Jane rather likes - with his ranting of "Pap him, you idiot, don't just stand there awkwardly, he is _obviously_ more upset than he's letting on. Oh my god, is 'John' human-speak for 'imbecile who wouldn't know romance if it spat in his fucking face'?" she extends a foot and delicately pokes him in the side with her toe.

"What?" he snaps.

"Nothing. Just settle down."

He glares at her, crosses his arms, glares at the screen.

 

After two episodes, Jane decides that enough is enough. Before "The Great Game" can start, she pauses it and turns to Karkat. "Would you please be so kind as to cut it out?"

"Cut what out?" he demands, defensive.

"You're getting _slash_ in my thrilling mystery," she says. "I mean yes, I get it, Sherlock and John are cute, but not every friendship has to lead to sex! It's not the point of the show."

Karkat stares at her for a long moment. "Who the fuck said anything about sex?"

"Well, gosh, you're the one who's spent the past three hours cooing about what a beautiful couple they are!"

"I don't _coo_ ," Karkat objects. "And they are _magnificent_ , I thought you humans didn't even do moirallegiance..."

His voice trails off, and his perpetually angry look twists through surprise to incredulity. "Wait, you thought I thought they were flushed?" He barks a sound that might have qualified as a laugh if it wasn't so sharp and disgusted. "Oh, god, no."

She looks at him for a moment in abject confusion.

He facepalms. "Right, you're one of the ones I _haven't_ been over this with until my tongue fell out," he groans. "Look, ok, they keep each other marginally socially functional, right? They let each other police their behavior? And they're willing to fucking share a hive and be around each other when they flail themselves awake?"

Jane nods, although to her this sounds an awful lot like typical Johnlockian rhetoric and also like stuff that might not necessarily apply to humans.

"Why the fuck would anyone accept any of that from someone who winds them up so much they wanted to have sex with them?"

"So what you're saying is that they're too good of platonic friends to be lovers?" Jane is skeptical, and makes no effort to keep it out of her voice.

"There's nothing platonic about it!" Karkat snaps. "God, you're stupider than your descendent. Ancestor. Whatever."

Jane decides there's no possible appropriate response to that, and starts the show again.

 

Karkat mostly manages to contain himself until the swimming pool scene, at which point he reaches over, grabs the remote, and pauses it on a particularly unflattering frame of Moriarty.

"Ok, Miss 'I dictate all the appropriate ships,' am I allowed to think that _they_ should be kissing?"

"Wait, what?"

"Sherlock and this Jim guy, who _clearly_ has the hugest hate-crush possible on him."

Jane giggles awkwardly. "I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that!"

"Of course it does!" Karkat doesn't so much roll his eyes as roll his whole head. "I mean, yeah, messing with the moirail is going a little far, but look at them! Finally meeting up after the highest-stakes competition either of them has probably ever had! Sizing each other up, trading quips as if they didn't each have the full capacity to fucking cull the other guy where he stands..."

Karkat sighs, a ridiculously dreamy look on his face that abruptly evaporates when Jane giggles.

"You are the strangest boy. It is you," she informs him, grabbing the remote back.

"Not my fault your entire species is romantically incompetent," he retorts.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [In Which Karkat Vantas and Jane Crocker Marathon the First Season of Sherlock [PODFIC]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/598681) by [Opalsong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Opalsong/pseuds/Opalsong)




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